"Perhaps it is true that we do not really exist until there is someone there to see us existing, we cannot properly speak until there is someone who can understand what we are saying in essence, we are not wholly alive until we are loved"
Above is a short paragraph from a book I recently read called 'Essays in love' by Alain De Botton.
Now, I think in order to fully absorb much of the information from a book, the reader must not only read it once, but twice, or even three times.
Oh the life. The life whereby you have the time to read a book, two or three times.
Now it seems to me, that when I read a book I like, I will take away the general gist of what was written, I would be able to explain to others what it was the book consisted of, I would be able to hopefully debate or question some of the pages with others that had read them too, but in reality there are only three or four paragraphs that really turn over and over in my head.
Maybe it is the three paragraphs that you absorb so easily because they resonate with your life the most at that point?
Maybe it is why we must read a book two or three times to make the most of the words between its pages, because maybe were changing so often, growing and relating in ways we had never or could ever have done before.
Maybe its because the experiences that would help you to resonate and question the words on a page, haven't yet happened.
That particular change or realisation is yet to occur.
The above paragraph was one of those paragraphs that I turned over and over in my head.
Why?
Why was it the words above, sandwiched in between 200+ pages of other powerful words that affected me the most?
A few reasons, possibly.
Maybe because I have been In love before, and I, for the best part of 3 years, have also been single.
And as someone who is nearing on 30, I can’t lie and claim not to have thought about love. Whether I will find it, whether it is something I want, something that will better me. Whether love, in a sense, is something I will ever feel again for another person, or will have someone feel for me.
I have.
I’m human.
Its human nature to love, and to want to feel love in return.
But is it right to assume that we don't exist until we are loved by someone else, merely in a romantic sense. That we do not exist based on the love we receive from others, friends, family, and other special people in our lives.
Companionship and love are two very different things, and to believe we only truly exist through the love given from a companion, is surely a huge judgement to make.
Social media today is providing us with an unrealistic view of the world and peoples lives, we see edited and cropped and filtered EVERYTHING, even our food, in order to make our lives look more wonderful.
To convince ourselves that we are happy. That we are liked, and that we are loved.
And we judge ourselves based on the reaction to these filtered highlights from society. We judge ourselves based on how many likes and comments our photographs receive. We judge ourselves based on what other people look like, how much money they earn, where they went on holiday, the list will go on.
And what that does is it makes us feel inadequate. It makes us believe that we need to feel loved, that special kind of love, that makes us feel like we exist, that we are understood.
Last week, I handed a fisheye lomography camera to one of the wonderful little people in my life. I filled it with film, and I showed and explained to him how the camera would work and how he should use it.
He would look through the lens, press the button, and wind on the film after every shot.
Easy.
Now as an adult who has worked with children most of my life, I would consider my hopes of this film turning out the way he or I planned, relatively higher than most.
But my hopes were not high.
I've always been slightly fascinated with seeing the world through the eyes of little ones and we spent our Thursday wandering around the city, Archie proudly holding the camera in his hand, and taking a snap whenever something captured his eye, then we wandered into the lab and handed over our roll of film for developing.
I smiled for hours after receiving those scans back from the lab the following Friday morning.
I could not have anticipated the joy that little old roll of film would hold.
Not only because Archie had managed to perfectly frame every photo he intended to, but because I was able to see the world (and me), from his eyes.
I was able to see the role I played in his life.
I was able to see, that I was loved, for playing that role.
And so I thought about the words from the book.
And I thought about all of the wonderful people who make up my life. And I thought about their perceptions, and their understanding of who I am.
And I thought about finding that romantic love. About the ability or inability to feel love like that again. And I thought about whether that meant, if I didn't, that I was not wholly existing.
And every time I looked at those photographs, I knew that I was.
That I am
That I exist now more than ever
That I will do, until I do not
Which, I hope will be in many many years to come.
SYML - Fear of the water